I have the true pleasure and honor of being an Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Executive Coach. As I was recently teaching a full day of Mastering Emotional Intelligence – Level One training this week, I found myself getting emotional as I started talking about trust during the Relationship Management section of our class. As we had a large group discussion, I got a little teary-eyed as I reminded my class attendees that trust is a gift, and it is not often given easily by people. It is something we should cherish if it is given to us by another.
Given the nature of what I do, I get to regularly sit on the other side of that trust, and I tend to dive into the deep end with my clients. Doing so allows me to get to the root of issues, reactive tendencies, triggers and sensitivities. We can only dive as deep as someone will allow. In my coaching, it is up to me to earn their trust repeatedly, showing them they are safe with me. So when they do let down their guards to get real and vulnerable with me, I never take that lightly. It is humbling. And yes, I definitely consider it to be one of the greatest gifts I can receive.
Feeling Safe with Someone
Making sure someone feels safe is at the heart of every relationship, be it personal or professional. As you examine your business and friendly or intimate relationships, do you know who you can really trust? Who holds your information safe? Who is there for you to vent to with no judgment? Who can offer you constructive feedback on your actions or behaviors? Who wants to help you be better, but understands your faults? Who accepts you for exactly who you are and loves you anyway? These are many of the things we look for in trust.
Whether it be job overwhelm, dealing with a challenging relationship or situation, trying to balance everything in our lives, working to control reactive behaviors or just understanding ourselves better, talking with someone we trust can help lead us to the bank of understanding and the mountain of epiphanies. A trusted sounding board allows us to look into the mirror and have the parts of ourselves we have a harder time seeing be reflected back to us. But trust has to be there in order for this to be effective. And it has to be real.
When Someone Lets You Down
I’m sure we’ve all had someone we trusted who let us down. It can be incredibly disheartening and disappointing, especially when you had their word about something or never would have expected it from that person. I know for me the experience has made me less surprised by people in general. Maybe in some ways that is good. I have learned to lessen my hopes or expectations of others, as expectations are what create disappointment. But I haven’t stopped trusting people because of it. I do pay attention to who it is I place my trust with, though. I pay attention to actions, and to how others handle information shared with them – about other people and about me. I give my trust to those who return the gift to me, knowing we each hold one another’s hearts in our hands. I take it very seriously when someone trusts me with their heart. And I am grateful.
Trust is a Gift
So this is just a little love letter to those whose hearts I have been able to touch, to those hearts whose openness and vulnerability have touched mine. Thank you for being the unique, wonderful beings you are. Thank you for committing yourselves to self-growth and improvement, and for looking at yourselves and others through the eyes of empathy. And most of all … thank you for your trust.
Please always remember that trust is a gift to be cherished. I certainly cherish yours.
Valerie M. Sargent is a dynamic speaker, trainer, consultant and executive coach. A natural and engaging motivator, Valerie is a Level I and Level II TalentSmart Emotional Intelligence Certified Trainer and President of Yvette Poole & Associates. She helps individuals and organizations increase their EQ, managing emotions and relationships better on the job for maximum performance. Her signature message, “It’s in the Pause”® focuses on the need for Self-Management skills to preserve positive relationships in the workplace and beyond – follow her blog: https://itsinthepause.com/). For more information: http://ypooleandassoc.com/ or http://valeriemsargent.com/.